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Thursday, December 06, 2007

Silvery strands

One of the side effects of coming off antidepressants is that it is almost as if you have bottled up six years-worth of tears inside your self. (I think they got blocked just around 9/11, as oddly trite as that might seem). These are the good kind, the tears that are supposed to flow, the cathartic kind. Maybe it's something to do with the subconscious getting healthy again. It's not unpleasant but it is fragile, and a little frail, like fine silvery strands of tinsel, but it does seem important somehow, to experience things fully again, and not through a tiny, blocked hole.

I've been subscribed to a list on an email that I almost deleted this morning until I looked at the link. It's Dillon's List, a foundation that has been established in the name of Dillon Henry, a friend of N's who died in a car accident on July 6, 2007. It's a beautiful site, full of his writing, photographs from kindergarten, soccer, surfing, goofing off, friends' memories, and gives one the opportunity to support a number of charities that were important to him. You can find it here. And it's here I found these lines which somehow just did me in:

About Dillon

He stood for hours, listening endlessly to the language at the edge of the forest. Over time he came to understand the dialects spoken, how the trees would roar and the creeks would cry. And as the sun would cast its golden rays down upon the earth day in and day out, he continued to stand facing the wall of timber and vine and listen to its majesty. Tempted to go in, but never swayed to action, Dillon Henry became the Keeper of all creation's dreams.
-- Dillon '07


I don't know why I keep coming back to this story or why its effect is always so profound. Perhaps because but for the grace of God, it could have been my child - same school, same friends, same parties, same interests. My heart is wrung out for his parents. It is unfathomable to imagine the loss of one's child at any age.

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