God stuff

"I should take a picture of you like that" he says "in bed in the morning, with the dogs around you and the laptop propped up on your knees." ("And my double chin resting on my chest" I think). "You're very happy there, aren't you?" I miss him when he's gone and ignore him when he's here. What is that about?

This is merely an aside: Paris Hilton is out of prison on Tuesday having been turned down by both ABC and NBC for interviews. I say good. I say good and I say about time. She is apparently miserable because she's not allowed moisturizer in prison and her skin is very dry. These are the little gobs of information that leak out after she has told Barbara Walters that she has found God and that she's going to do something good with her life. Shooting her mother might be a start.

I found myself lecturing a friend about God yesterday. No idea where it came from. He is always with us, I said, and then almost fell over. I dreamed last night that I was hated by everyone and had been for a very long time but in this dream everyone had mustered up the courage to tell me. I went through the dream with my head hanging low, most contrite, trying desperately to pick up litter and apologize for my antisocial behaviour. "I'm English," I said, "It takes me a long time to like people." It wasn't much fun at all, I have to tell you. I should have said "I'm English, we're all uptight and look down on everyone else and feel uncomfortable when people are too comfortable or earnest or authentic." But back to God. I sidestepped there. We drove past the Self Realization Temple on Sunset, just a stone's throw from the Scientology Mega-Complex, on the way to the Ahmanson on Thursday night. There's a lotus-shaped dome, lots of white and gold, and Yves Klein blue. I stared through the gates as we stopped at a light and I thought, I should visit. But yesterday when God popped up out of the blue (and gold and white) it startled me. I've tamped it down for so long now that when it came out of my mouth I stumbled a little. "You must ask for what you want," I found myself saying, "because it needs to be put out there in the universe." What was that line? (She scurries to look it up) It's from Luke:
And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish?
Or hand him a scorpion when he asks for an egg?
Of course, I didn't quote this to my somewhat tearful girlfriend. Instead I said something stupid like "babysteps, it's all about babysteps" and of course felt like a right ninny afterwards.