Crickets. Cicadas. Fan. Tree frogs. Snoring dogs: Islands of warmth in the bed. This is what I know: it doesn't matter how many deaths there have been or whether you pray or not, or anything short of a cataclysmic, apocalyptic Come to Jesus moment, Cherubim & Seraphim included. Lights, bells, heavenly host. The smell of sweet roses and burned lavender. None of it matters. This is not moving. It will not change. There is nothing more to do but to give up. I've tried seismic shifts, astral projection, love, sandwiches, messages carved in wood, mix tapes, head down do nothing, head up and sing like an angel. Nothing shifts in stasis.
And so: I. Give. Up. I am officially (unofficially) and thoroughly done. Stick a fork in me.
Mozart Clarinet Concerto (adagio) sounds like mercy. Truly. Do yourself a favor and download it. Listen. It is what mercy sounds like. It is all we have.