Friday, May 23, 2014

10 Things You Can Do To Keep Her

I've been hesitant to write about my private life as I was chided for it by the person I was seeing. So I removed every post about him, to make him happy, which was amusing because I don't think he ever actually read the blog. But now that he is gone, I shall resume with the plaintive wailing, as it's what I'm best at. This column is advice for men who want to keep real women (women of substance) in their lives. I have quite a lot of it, so please bear with me:

1) Keep your promises. Be a man of your word. If you say you are going to do something, do it. What you say and what you do should be the same thing. Or, if you're not going to do something, say that. Transparency is everything. Women are very forgiving, but only if they have the truth.

2) You may not like Valentine's Day. You may be cynical of it. You may think it's a Hallmark holiday. But women like to get flowers. And sometimes they like to get flowers for no reason. Be aware of that.

3) Talk to us. Let us in. It doesn't really matter what you look like (unless you're a warty, foul-breathed goblin) because we women of substance are attracted to your brain. We marvel at what you know. We want to be let in. Don't live in an ice house.

4) Run baths for us. Bring us a glass of wine. Sit on the edge of the tub and talk to us while we soak.

5) Walk with us. Take us by the hand and walk. It's the most romantic thing in the whole world.

6) Read poems to us. Pick up a book, put it down, and recite by memory a poem from the book. We will swoon.

7) Make a plan. It's really sexy. Don't let us do all the work. Make a decision. Even if it's the wrong one. Be bold. We'll forgive you if it's wrong.

8) Be proud of us. Announce us. Put your arm around our shoulders when you introduce us as your girlfriend. It feels lovely.

9) Call us a by a pet name that no-one else knows. It makes our hearts melt especially when it comes out of your mouth.

10) Love us. Tell us you do. Say the words*. Don't ask if we know. Tell us. Even if we do know, even if we suspect, we want to hear it again and again and again.

*(I tell everyone I love them. I am sure I say it too much. But I really loved this man, right from the start, like an odd affliction out of nowhere. I don't know why, but it hit me hard, like we were from the same litter.  I had to figure out how not to say it. How not to blow it all by blurting it out, stupidly, Frank Sinatra-style).


Arlene Wszalek said...


Alison said...

Thank you Bumble. For everything. For writing the things I need to read at that right time I need them. For posting beautiful pictures and beautiful thoughts and fears and dreams. You will never know how much you have helped me.

Anonymous said...

OMG she is back! I leave this comment after reading only 2, TWO of your 1-10 reasons. You are so funny. This is great. She is back.

Anonymous said...

now take the reins and fly, fly away. Or gallop. its time for the mourning to be over with. Fini. God, you have so much. Now, enjoy. The world is your oyster. Your x a great friend. Home, Children. Pets. Health, wealth (of both sorts). Days of missing stuff will come and go and then lessen as you know. One always has stuff to miss it is called life. Go off, live this life as before. Men are so many and the next is around the corner, will he stay will he go no body knows, ever. Now just get on with it. You have an empty house at times do you? Well when you feel as such tell yourself that at least you have an emptly house. This is a great thing as at least you have a house, some don't! Besides it is not empty. It is filled, filled with stuff. Tell yourself that and hop in the bath or do something to stop these 'missing thoughts' to pass through it. As I am sure you do, you write of course, even with those tears streaming down your face. You are so great! and you are kind, there are some whom have mostly a mean spirit. you have a kind one.

Heather Robinson said...

I wish there was a way that every man in the world could read this...

Anonymous said...

You are awesome and discreet. No one should ever chide you for anything.

Lorraine said...

Miss W: I think you'll recognize a kindred spirit in Instagram's @lostartofthegentleman.