10 Things You Can Do To Keep Her

I've been hesitant to write about my private life as I was chided for it by the person I was seeing. So I removed every post about him, to make him happy, which was amusing because I don't think he ever actually read the blog. But now that he is gone, I shall resume with the plaintive wailing, as it's what I'm best at. This column is advice for men who want to keep real women (women of substance) in their lives. I have quite a lot of it, so please bear with me:

1) Keep your promises. Be a man of your word. If you say you are going to do something, do it. What you say and what you do should be the same thing. Or, if you're not going to do something, say that. Transparency is everything. Women are very forgiving, but only if they have the truth.

2) You may not like Valentine's Day. You may be cynical of it. You may think it's a Hallmark holiday. But women like to get flowers. And sometimes they like to get flowers for no reason. Be aware of that.

3) Talk to us. Let us in. It doesn't really matter what you look like (unless you're a warty, foul-breathed goblin) because we women of substance are attracted to your brain. We marvel at what you know. We want to be let in. Don't live in an ice house.

4) Run baths for us. Bring us a glass of wine. Sit on the edge of the tub and talk to us while we soak.

5) Walk with us. Take us by the hand and walk. It's the most romantic thing in the whole world.

6) Read poems to us. Pick up a book, put it down, and recite by memory a poem from the book. We will swoon.

7) Make a plan. It's really sexy. Don't let us do all the work. Make a decision. Even if it's the wrong one. Be bold. We'll forgive you if it's wrong.

8) Be proud of us. Announce us. Put your arm around our shoulders when you introduce us as your girlfriend. It feels lovely.

9) Call us a by a pet name that no-one else knows. It makes our hearts melt especially when it comes out of your mouth.

10) Love us. Tell us you do. Say the words*. Don't ask if we know. Tell us. Even if we do know, even if we suspect, we want to hear it again and again and again.

*(I tell everyone I love them. I am sure I say it too much. But I really loved this man, right from the start, like an odd affliction out of nowhere. I don't know why, but it hit me hard, like we were from the same litter.  I had to figure out how not to say it. How not to blow it all by blurting it out, stupidly, Frank Sinatra-style).