“Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be.” -- Anton Chekhov
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
on being this age: a rant
be'jeezus! what is it that you need in a mate at this stage of your life, when you've had your babies, when your career is flourishing, when you know who you are, when you have good friends, solid friends, the sort of friends that show up for you. what is it exactly that you need from a mate? i think it's this: someone who's as in it as you are. what do i mean by that? i am so done running around after someone. i truly believe -- and this may sound arrogant -- that i'm worth it. hard not to sound like a l'oreal ad, but let's face it, i'm not high maintenance, or a princess, or need to be fed bonbons, but if i'm willing to put in the effort, i need to be with someone who's equally as psyched to be there too. so to be put in second place, to not be thought of, to be denigrated to an "ordinary" status is dull. my girlfriend says, don't react. lie on your bed and take it. let it run through you. don't react. and i say, i don't need that at this stage of my life, to be lying on a bed, gritting my teeth, trying not to react when i could be walking hand in hand with someone who loves me, smiling, looking at trees, breathing in the beauty. nah. it's not worth it. it's just not. you bend, you bend, you bend, you grit your teeth, you bend, you have a moment of bliss, you bend more, and soon you realize you're in a knot. you're not walking tall. you're pretzelled. nah. that's not okay. it's not okay. it doesn't matter how good the in between is or how lovely they are for short bursts, it doesn't matter one bit. walk with me. take my hand. be there. don't make me ask. don't put me in that situation. and whatever you do, don't me feel ordinary. i'm really not prepared to be ordinary. not yet, anyway. i don't want to be hidden. i want to be paraded around like i'm someone to be proud of. i want to go get matching tattoos of peacock's feather, like my friend C did, in Paris, last week. and a year ago i would've said, what? and now I get it. tattoos. mad. ridiculous. painful. and brilliant. walk with me. be my love. don't make me feel ordinary. capisce? it's not that difficult. love me. treat me well. be kind. that's all.