Tuesday, January 20, 2015

A hard decision

I've always wanted my public persona to be Brave and Strong. I think anything other than Brave and Strong wasn't really respected in our house when I grew up.  It's a hard habit to shake. It's like the time I went out with the boy scouts, aged 9, without shoes on, running in the woods with the boys because I wanted them to be impressed. Stung by nettles and cut by wild blackberries, I soldiered on, head held high. Ridiculous, I know. I mean, generally, I am pretty brave. I deal with stuff, especially emergencies, and then collapse a few days later and stay in bed for the day.  I'm really, really good in emergencies. But sometimes you have to make a decision that maybe you wouldn't have made a few years ago and today I made such a decision. I resigned an account (fired a client) who, though a brilliant genius, was making my life a Living Hell. I've been beating myself up about it. I kept thinking it was me. If I could just be better, or more clever, things would get better, but they didn't. Our communication was horrible. And for all the accolades and all the Oscar nominations, it was no-one's fault. It was just like a shitty marriage. And better to know that now than later. But it's sad, nonetheless. I've worked with a lot of creative geniuses in my life, and it's all about the fit, the chemistry. If it works, you can deal with anything.

I told my daughter today and I was worried about it. I know she holds me in high esteem and I know that she is proud of my job and the things I get to work on. She said the greatest thing. She said, "That's great. Proud of you for doing that." That, really, was all that mattered.


Anonymous said...

I'm proud of you. In the business of entertainment PR or management or agenting, it is expected that it's OK to be treated poorly because the money is what matters, the prestige is what matters. It's business, not personal. However, when it becomes damaging it is just as you said, a shitty marriage and someone has to get out. I got out years ago and beat myself up about it but I was the only one. Everyone applauded my decision. Why should I go down for the cunt? Why should you.
Now if you can understand that the flaky boyfriend is your shitty marriage as well you'll be in the clear.
Congratulations again.

Anonymous said...

I meant to say why go down for the count but perhaps the way I mis-wrote is is applicable as well. Sorry for the mistaken profanity!

Michele Hush said...

Sometimes enough is enough. You did the right thing. You should celebrate getting a toxic force out of your life.

amanda said...

Good for you. We collude with bad behaviour too often so it is great that you made a stand - and I am sure in a dignified and professional way. I love anonymous's mistype and echo her sentiments!

LPC said...

Firing the bad guy IS being brave and strong.

Anonymous said...

Yes, but you couldn't wait to brag.
Also, it is a shame you can't be so flippant in decision making with your relationships that you compare it to.
I wonder if they would have left you anyway.
So proud of yourself with this are you, I wonder if its because you felt a sense of empowerment that you seem to need.

Sue Maden said...

Decisons like this one are hard (obviously). And in my life I've learned that if I have a sense of peace after the execution of the decision, I know it was the right thing (that happened when I ended my first marriage). While on a much different scale, this reminds me of the difficulty my daughter went through as she agonized over whether or not she should quit an advanced program in school (International Baccalaureate). All her friends were in the program. Quitting meant the possibility of feeling shame or even worthlessness. But her reasons were strong. Being in the program meant giving up involvement in other things that she both loved and would also be valuable later. We talked through the pros and cons, and agreed the benefits didn't outweigh the cost to her mental health and wellbeing. She made the decision. And while there were some who dissed her, that didn't last. She felt peace. She did well and went on to success. This lesson, that sometimes we have to say no to something others think of as "good" was a wonderful thing she learned. Sorry for the wordy comment. You touched a chord with this one. Thank you for sharing this difficult thing you did. I love how supportive your daughter is.