LA is My Lady

I was born in LA. At least spiritually. Los Angeles is the place where I became the person I was meant to be. It was my golden triangle, the conversion of two cultures, not rivers, that created the person I was to become and in that birth, due to the perfect set of circumstances; a husband who believed in my infinite possibilities, and the scent of mimosa and orange and the blowing of the Santa Anas in the right direction. Therefore I find my heart heavy as lead and my eyes frequently full of tears when I witness the devastation to my beloved city as a result of the Palisades, Eaton, Sunset, Hurst and Livia fires (and more, I know.) My immediate family is safe, away from the current disaster zones, but our extended family and friend group has suffered so much loss; so many houses raised to the ground, so many people who have lost everything they own, so many people I have worked with over the years, and family too. The destruction is vivid and real and super close to all we hold dear. No-one we know hasn't been affected at all. Neighborhoods have been flattened as if by a hurricane, landmarks gone (I shall miss the silly fishy puns of the Reel Inn on PCH, the picnics at Will Rogers, the beautiful old storefronts of the Palisades.) And just by a small miracle the Laurel Canyon house we lived in and raised our family in was saved (thanks to the brilliant work of the Runyon Canyon firefighters and the perfect intersection of wind speed and direction). I cried and cried and cried yesterday and the English part of me felt ashamed. You're not there. Your family is safe. What do you have to cry about? It was something akin to grief. Massive grief for a world I love and miss and which will never be the same again. I cried buckets. Charlie sat by me and handed me hankies and brought me cups of tea and both dogs.

I found something I wrote ten years ago:

"I recited the litany of reasons that I loved LA: no weather issues, no need to carry a coat/an umbrella/gumboots, access to the ocean, mountains, trees, a world full of possibility, a vibrant art scene, sunshine, did I mention sunshine? It is a city I love. LA IS my lady."

And this:

"The entire canyon is scented with wild yellow mimosa. You notice it in the cool/warm mornings, now that the sun is up at six. It brings with it the promise of summer, of sweet long evenings, hinting at the myth of the canyon -- a place full of possibility."

There is no place like LA and all the films and books and tv shows and things that you read in the Daily Mail about the Kardashians and the film stars and the wacky people and the woo-woo views will EVER do it justice. It's the place where people go to be in their heart space and to manifest their dreams. It's full of abundance, of endless time, a multiplicity of possibility, of love and support and people who care about what happens to you, and are there for you and have your back. In the midst of the silly industry that we work in exists a huge beating heart, warm, embracing, uncynical, non-judgemental, guileless.  Like my father in law used to say to me, "come on in, give me a hug, you're my daughter."

My heart goes out to everyone who is going through unimaginable distress of finding themselves unhoused, and I will keep you, Los Angeles, my spiritual mother, in my prayers.