Catch up

Oh my gosh, it's been ten days since I last attempted to write something, anything for this blog. I've run out of excuses.

Many things.
1) Alex James's book A Bit of a Blur is, in a word, brilliant. Not brilliant literally because I don't think he's a genius, but he has a wonderful way of remembering in excruciating detail many moments when he was drunk out of his mind or in situations where lesser men would have passed out. Plus he hung out with Damien Hirst and Keith Allen both of whom are Interesting (emphasis all mine). He now lives in the Cotswold village of Kingham with his lovely wife, three boys, some horses, some sheep, and he makes cheese. Cotswold Slapper is my favorite.
2) N has come back from Scotland rosy cheeked, smiling and proud of himself. He shot his first stag. An eleven pointer. His horror at my reconstruction of his bedroom was less fierce than I expected and I do thank the Lord for that small mercy. I actually think he rather enjoyed, although he'd never admit it, have his treasures classified and qualified and put into small see-through plastic boxes marked in magenta with labels such as "marbles, treasures & whatnots". I miss him horribly when he is away. Oh dear, I shall be a mess next Fall when college beckons. Anon.
3) J called me from Vegas last night at about 9:30. He hisses sound the phone in a voice designed to be subtle whisper but sounds more like a perv, "a woman has just walked out of this hotel with her two twelve year old daughters dressed in bikinis and eyeliner. OH MY GOD (his voice is rising towards the hysterical here) - they're MINKY'S age!" For all the Vince Vaughns and Kevin Federlines of this world who love the place, God bless you, but I rest my case. Vegas is hideous. Always has been, always will be, and I will never change my mind on that one. No sirree bob. To be fair, it's not his choice. I guess his boss is fond of strippers and will be staying for two days following their summit meeting "for research purposes." Right.
4) I have been writhing in agony for three days with mouth ulcers, or canker sores as they call them here, and feeling as if I'm a bit of a wimp. You can't generate that much sympathy for tiny little spots in your mouth. They shouldn't hurt as much as they do. But mine hurt like a mofo. So much so that it was hard to eat and talk. Finally, at the peak of desperation, after advil and tylenol and orajel didn't work, I scoured the internet and found a little site www.mouthulcers.org. I kid you not. Kindred spirit. Hundreds and thousands of other people all saying the same thing - "I thought I was the only one suffering." Thanks to the brilliant advice of my fellow sufferers (particulary Robin R who is 67 and lives in Australia) I have come back from Whole Foods with non SLS toothpaste (citrus flavour), tea tree oil mouthwash, bee propolis, cranberry supplement, L-Lysine amino acids, zinc, folic acid, B-12 and acidopholus yogurt. I'm gargling salt water, avoiding tomatoes, chocolate, bananas and citrus fruit, and ibuprofen too (which apparently exacerbates them). Something has to work. Well, guess what? This morning I actually woke up from a full night's sleep (taking off the dogs' collars works too so they don't jingle-jangle through the night) and I feel remarkably better. Only a teensy bit sore.
5) June comes back from Canada today and I am beside myself with joy.
6) Matt and Angela leave Friday for two years in the UK which is utterly miserable for all concerned. At least we'll see them at Christmas.
7) Amy and Josh arrive back in LA this week for good and they're living in the canyon. Very exciting news. I wrote to Amy and told her that we could ride together and I had a horse for her named Timmy. She replied "Are you kidding? A horse for me to ride named Timmy? You know we named every single one of our pet racoons Timmy." How can you hate someone who had a whole bunch of pet racoons named Timmy?
8) Lucy is in England visiting the set of her movie and having a blast. I heard from her only briefly, from Boots, when I got a text, a phone call, and an email : "Bum, am in Boots. Do you need the Miracle Cream?" You see, my friends, they understand the important things in life.
9) E has finished her book -- HOORAH!