Friday, June 22, 2012

Please don't send flowers

Things I shouldn't have done:
+ Sent flowers, particularly peonies. Just because I love them doesn't mean he does, even shot with mint and zymbidium. "Oh the chartreuse (pron: shar-troose) and pink special" says the florist and I feel as if I have no imagination.
+ Fought like that. Like he still loved me. Like there was a chance. Like I was in a poem by Tennyson. Or even Woolf. Like I cared. Or did I?
+ Asked him out for lobsta rolls. (I couldn't help it; it felt like summer.)
+ Left ten pillows on the bed for eleven months. I could negotiate his coming back against my discomfort? How mortifying. Now I have three pillows. And I'm fixing to get rid of the bed.
+ Waited so long to prune the trees. There is a clear view, a half circle, of Lookout Mountain from the counter in the kitchen. Green and sunlit and beautiful.
+ Waited for so long for a pink zebra rug, an orange laquer tray, a pink wall and a schoolgirl map of England.
+ Contemplated dating the man with the hoodie.


Anonymous said...

Hi Miss Whistle. Great post.

Does that mean you should not have contemplated but actually dated the man with the hoodie ? Or is the man with the hoodie altogether wrong?

What about the things you should do more of?

Can you post a photo of the pink zebra rug ? Sounds amazing.

Katherine C. James said...

This is familiar. "Fought like that.…Like I cared. Or did I?"

I got rid of the old bed, and weaned myself from clinging to the lonely edge I imagined as my lot in some cosmic punishment . Now I sprawl smack dab in the luxurious center.

Something's lost and something's gained in living every day? Where we put our attention creates our
experience? Yes. Some of each of those and more.

For me, maybe most importantly, making friends with impermanence.

Jessie said...

The day I threw out the bed and his pillows was the day I felt a lingering heaviness finally lift from my chest. It felt electric.

Later, I married the man with the hoodie.

Pink zebra does sound amazing!

LPC said...

I have SUCH a girl crush on you:). I wish you'd write the book of the end of your marriage - but that would probably be a very lot to ask.

I moved out. So I went to Pottery Barn and bought all the things in one go. I found that the intricacies of sofas mattered less than I had thought.

k said...

I have marveled at your year dear Miss Whistle. Marveled and shared a few moments of grieving and some moments of magic-all vicarious, due to your graceful sharing. You are, like every great heroine, excite by tomorrow and waking up each day to don your armor and then let it slip from your shoulders. I admire you so. I cheer from afar, here in the great pacific northwest, as you rise, as you make your moves, as you love the things you love and share a glimpse of a gorgeous life in progress, a life lit up in love. thank you. Be well.

sianey said...

How are you doing my darling?
Brave + brutally honest thoughts to share - I admire you for being so.
Much love to you as always.
And loads of thoughts a big hug too

AQ: said...

Things I Should Have Done:

NOT pressed send on any technological device for some months... Just because you think you are being poetic doesn't mean He's even reading it.

Embraced CHANGE.

Loved myself more EARLIER.

But Who Lives Life Like That Anyway.............................. ???

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