I know I shouldn't be awake. I've removed all of my devices from the bedroom including the television, the phones, etc. and now even the iphone goes to sleep in the kitchen, under the advice of the rather bossy Boy in England who is obsessed with sleep matters. Tis true. My sleep was appalling. A few hours at most. Lately, under the new regime I've been getting seven hours. Interrupted which, as you know if you are a fellow insomniac, feels something like paradise on earth. And so why am I up at at 2.55am? I can proudly say that I am sitting at my desk now and not propped up in bed, as I usually would be. I hope I get a few points for that. The door is open and there's a delightfully cool breeze after two or three days of incessant, windy heat, the Santa Ana condition which makes people crazy and want to kill each other (or have sex with each other). There has been little respite and being inside, at one's desk, with the air conditioning on at the beginning of May does not bode well for the summer to come.
I'm hesitant to say this -- and of course I still have my demons -- but it's been a banner week. Things have fallen into place in a manner I could not have dreamed of. I am prone to magical thinking, for sure, but with the help of the extraordinarily wise teachings of kundalini yoga (mad as a hatter that I sound, I have to give credit where credit is due) I've been trying to trust that the universe is benevolent and on my side, and that it will provide, and that I'm not alone in this, and I just need to believe it. It's a crazy notion. I know. But I've tried not to panic, to know that work is coming in, to know that I am loved, to know that things will turn out the right way, while simultaneously plodding along, being kind to people, trying (trying) to do some good... and this week it seemed that opportunities presented themselves in quite the most wonderful ways.
I've always held a notion, maybe deep inside, but probably inherited from my father, that God is in everything. I think for my father it was pantheism, for he certainly believed in God in nature. I'm not sure that he necessarily felt that God dwelled in the cities (!). And this is also the root of Catholic Ignatian spirituality, and the teachings of Yogi Bhajan in the Sikh tradition, and a fundamental part of the Hindu belief. (Please, if you are an atheist, you can still read this without feeling uncomfortable, by just changing the word God to what it is that you believe -- the universal energy in the world -- whatever you would like to call it. I know it's something I've discussed many, many times on this blog, and to be clear, my notion of God is a very fluid one and certainly nothing like the Judeao/Christian idea we were taught as children, although that still holds some warmth and truth for me.) So then, and please bear with me, if God, or this lovely Universal Energy is in everything (Huxley/Blake/Kesey/etc.) who are we not to trust in it?
Simply put, love transforms everything.
I do hope that you have a wonderful weekend, wherever you are in the world. That you get to breathe some fresh air, and spend a little time in nature.