You see, I just needed to be told to keep the faith. That's all. When I'm skitterish like this. I just need some big old arms to reach around me and hold me tight and tell me that it's going to be okay, because I can't always do this on my own. I can't always cheer myself up. Sometimes you need a little help, you know? You just don't want to be in this alone. If one other person is in it with you, then it changes everything. Then there's a team. I just want to be part of a team again. I'm so done being brave and cheery, and feeling bad for not feeling safe. I'm fearless most of the time. I caught a galloping horse who'd slit his belly open from his neck almost to his sheath, and I waited with him, with the blood pouring out, till help came. And I soothed him. I can do that. But I can't do this. I can't be in this alone.
I know it will pass. I know there will be others. I know one day I will have the hug and I won't have to ask for it. And I will be fearless again too, but right now, it's hard to see past my chest cavity.
A billion heartbeats. That's all we have. Every life is just a billion heartbeats. (<- br="" click="" here="">->