Sunday, December 30, 2018

Between Years

Maybe it's the jet lag, the lack of sleep, the discombobulating effect of being in your city but somewhat rootless (staying in other people's houses) but I find the time between Christmas and New Year difficult. I am out of my routine, in Los Angeles, trying to juggle seeing friends and spending as much time as possible with my children, and it feels, well, odd. It could be that we miss the dogs, or getting up early to feed the horse breakfast, or maybe as a Cancer, I don't do well unless I am in my own house...there is a tiny piece missing.

Los Angeles could not be more beautiful. Bright, cold, sunny days, chilly desert nights. Blown out blue skies with perfectly formed tiny melon pink clouds floating on the horizon. Those tall palms that shimmer in the sunlight. It's full of warm friends and old memories and favorite spots. My children are here - bright and warm and amusing and erudite. My love is here, sleeping beside me in a cozy bed in a friend's adorable guest house. All is well. 

But let's face it - 2018 wasn't a great year. Most of us suffered anxiety at the hands of the Fool-In-Chief, and I suppose we look towards the new year with trepidation. None of us want a repeat of the nasty surprises, bad decisions, and general ugliness we have experienced this year. 

This is a period of reflection. We want to be better people. We want to find new and creative ways to live. We aspire to be more empathetic human beings. We want to find more meaning in our lives. I suppose these few days which are neither work nor really play force us to look at our lives and to reflect on how to be nicer people, more attentive friends, give back more to the world, be less selfish and ego-driven. 

This morning we head out to the desert. A place where reflection is easier because there are fewer distractions. ("Jesus Wandered Here"). I have books I want to read, things I want to write, complicated life problems to sort out. Meditations to focus on. Perhaps it's ok to feel confused and thoughtful for a few days a year. Perhaps it is healthy. 

This is one thing I have fully ignored and au regret it. Somehow a daily depository for the thoughts and worries that accumulate in your brain is healthy. And once the silt and dregs have been deposited it allows a clear path for creativity and art. And I believe that one should practice art in whatever form it works for you every single day. Every Single Day. 

And it wouldn't be me if I didn't say this:  Let's all try to Vibrate Love. Even through the difficult times. 




tedsmum said...

Your posts never fail to clarify things,give food for thought and generally cheer me up no end.Thank you. Wishing all good things for you and yours in 2019. Read this
to look on the bright side xxx

LPC said...

I think there's a time for clarity, a time for bumbling, a time for action, a time for waiting, a time for thinking, a time for feeling - well, you get the picture:).

I used to always rely on clear thinking. I'm much more reliant on the other ways now.

It's always lovely to hear from you, no matter how sporadically.

Katherine C. James said...

Good morning, Bumble. I woke up early on this last day of the year and found your post. I love your Southern California image of tiny melon pink clouds floating on the horizon, and I agree with you, that "a daily depository for the thoughts and worries that accumulate in your brain is healthy." The last three years have not been good ones for me. The complexities of my mother's death followed soon by the car accident and its effects, from which I'm still extricating myself physically and mentally, have put me behind where I planned to be in 2015, which was in a home of my own, doing work I loved, and back in school for an advanced degree in an area I feel passionate about. I try to feel gratitude, but I'm not doing as well at gratitude and optimism as I was. Like you, I'm a nester who doesn't do well not in her own home with her own things about her. (I don't like a lot of things, but I have a relationship with those I choose and keep, most now in storage.) At the same time, I love travel and adventure and the new. I've missed both nesting and adventure these last years. Add in our national and international realities, and I feel oppressed and have to choose and then choose again energy and action and a fierce faith that all will be well. If you find yourself drawn back to this space to deposit your thoughts, to open "a clear path for creativity and art" I would welcome that. We have been communicating since 2009, beginning in what now seems like another life entirely, because in many ways it was, and you (and a few other people met during that rich time) help me understand myself when you write about yourself. Happy New Year, dear Bumble. I wish you peace and joy, and, of course, I wish you love. xo.

Marcheline said...

Amen. And Happy New Year!

Wally Bell said...

Hi Bumble, Long time, no write!I opened up my old blog today to remind me how much I used to enjoy blogging, and saw your recent post. I just thought I would tell you how much I used to enjoy your posts. Always beautiful and thought provoking.
I am glad you are still blogging. Kind regards, and a wonderful new year to you.