Still Life with Christmas Tree

The house is beginning to feel a lot like Christmas. Red candles on the dining room table, pfefferkuchen with melkeschokolade in the pantry, and a great big tree glittering with fairylights and decades of homemade and store bought and gifted ornaments, the good, the bad and certainly the ugly. It matters not in our house because every hideous Christmas trinket comes with its own story, its own magic, its own little history (and try as I might, I just can't bring myself to throw any of them away). But as luck would have it, our adorable seven-month-old dalmatian has taken the sting out of the tail of holiday purging and yesterday I came home to a twinkling tree and a hallway full of the detritus of chewed, spewed & scattered Christmas ornaments. Anything north of two foot six was saved. Those below the two foot three line were gone and had to be swept up and thrown into the rubbish bin. I waggled a half-eaten Christmas dog (in a hideous green knitted sweater) above her nose and said "Baaaaad" in the biggest, deepest voice I could muster, but sounded far more like a strangled sheep being watched over by shepherds by night. The Angel of the Lord hast not forsaken me, however, and has appeared in the shape of Chew Guard bitter apple spray which I've applied liberally to the bottom quarter of our, causing us all to cough, as if jalapenos were being de-seeded in the kitchen.